Perfection

6:51AM - bliss

120 lbs

*grins*

10:24PM - omg

just weighed myself before my shower.. almost fainted..

121.2 lbs

and that was after drinking 20 oz of water :)

I can't wait to weigh myself in the morning now.

9:25PM - stats

*ran 5 miles, walked 4 miles
*elliptical: 30 minutes (burned 822 calories per all exercise per fitday.com)
*had 441 calories so far today (mostly chocolate though so not good)
*weight @ 7 am = 123.8b lbs -- boo up .4 lbs.


feel very thirsty & tired. Felt amazing while I was running though. I could have gone 10 miles tonight if my running partner would have wanted to do more.

hope I weigh less tomorrow. My stomach has really been hurting lately. I think I need to cut out sugar, caffeine, & dairy.

11:37AM - latest stats

height: 5'4"
hw: 145 lbs (back in June 2008)
lw: 117 lbs
cw: 123 lbs.
gw1: 115
gw2: 110
gw3: 105

10:28PM - so it's been a year....

Things that have changed:

*thought I was happily married-- found out I wasn't.
*lost the desire to eat-- that's a good thing
*restricting is very easy now
*caught myself in old habits-- purged yesterday and today
*have lost 15 lbs in past month
*current weight 128 lbs today
*am exercising again-- got an elliptical and mini trampoline, also meet twice a week with friend to go walking/running
*am seeing a new guy
*starting a new job next month
*live by myself now so it's very easy to not eat

Ultimately I realize that whenever shit goes to hell in my life, I stop eating to regain control. How fucked up is that?

2:39PM

Sacrifice is giving up something good for something better

 

Learn to stand with your own strength.

 

Lose your goal and you have lost your way

7:05PM - brief update

Last night was disappointing overall. I did well during the day (yesterday), but when I started drinking in the evening, I consumed too much food. I had homemade mac-n-cheese, crackers, chocolate bar, and lots of alcohol. I am very disappointed in myself. I didn't even want to weigh myself this morning because of last night's events. Today I've had cereal with milk and rice. I'm not planning on eating anymore tonight. I'll just have water and iced green tea (i mix green tea and peppermint tea together). I know once my normal schedule starts back up on Monday, I'll be much better at eating less. I'll probably be able to have less than 600 calories a day and keep up with exercising because I'll be so busy and won't have the free time to eat all day.

1:18PM - Fastin Day 1

I feel quite happy with my workout that I did today. I went on the treadmill for an hour, though I only ran for 40 minutes (4.2 miles) then I walked for 20 minutes, so I only burned 500 calories. I have been low on my consumption of water and at the end of my running, I was feeling a little light headed. 

I started back onto birth control (Ortho tricyclin low) on Sunday and have found a new appetite suppressant. For about the last 4 hours, I have had slight nasusa. I am not entirely sure if it is from the pill or not eating anything and running. It definitely will help me to not eat anymore today. 

Weight at 7 am: 143 lbs

12:37PM - promoting :]

11:15AM - exciting news!

Due to my period finally starting on Thursday, today I was able to start taking the Pill again! 

YAY!

2:41PM - Determined to be thin

I am looking forward to fasting on Monday. I want to see how long my body can go without food... I also want to kick up my workouts...so I decided that on Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday I am going to run for an hour again on the treadmill and on Wednesday night I am going to do an hour of kickboxing. I will try to add in other workouts when I am able to. I am serious about getting thin... no more half efforts.

2:08PM - I'm on cloud 9

I worked out and am so completely enthralled and happy with my workout. I did 80 minutes on a treadmill, alternating between running and walking. I ran at different intervals--from 5 mph to 5.5 mph to 6 mph and up to 6.5 mph, then walked on an incline at 3.8 mph. I burned 725 calories and feel so happy. I have only taken in 60 calories so far today (from yogurt). Finally, I feel successful. When the workout got hard--which was a large portion of it--I just turned up my music and mentally repeated the words "be thinner" and "leaner, stronger, thinner" to myself. It really worked to focus me and keep me going. I feel great. I am not going to eat until later tonight. My hubby and I are going out with a few other couples. So I'll go to dinner and eat something very light--like a salad.. then we are going out dancing... so I'll burn even more calories. I might even try talking my hubby into a walk right now to a park near our apartment. It would burn another 100 or so calories...

2:30PM - scale issues

I weighed myself this morning. I did the usual thing where I weigh myself three times to ensure that the number is the same (or relatively the same). I think my scale is broken. First number was 141 lbs. Second number was 144 lbs. Third number was 142 lbs. I don't know what is going on. I am scared now that I cannot trust my scale at all. I might have to buy a new one when I get some more money.

12:26PM - AHHH

I am obsessing over calories today. I've eaten too many already and haven't worked out--will work out after this post.

2:10PM - :(

It's only a little after two and I have already eaten a lot of calories. I was planning on starting the 2-4-6-8 diet today, but my hubby wanted us to have breakfast together. I couldn't very well just eat snowpeas... so I ended up eating all of this:

*coffee with creamer (2 tbsp)= 60 calories
*1 cup oatmeal made with milk = 210 calories
*1 tbsp. reduced fat PB = 95 calories
*1 small banana = 90 calories
*small handful of raisins = 45 calories
total: 510 calories

Oh my god! I worked out for one hour so far. I did the All Star Workouts that is on Fit TV. Today it was a hip hop style dance. I put it onto my fitday.com account as General Aerobics, which burns 280 calories for 55 minutes. I feel so discouraged with myself and so fat right now! I am going to go and jump rope for a little bit and do some toning exercises. 

My new mantra when I am working out:

"I can be leaner.
I can be stronger.
I can be thinner."

I have to go to work in about an hour, so I will exercise for another 30 minutes, then shower, then go to work. I am going to bring some watermelon to snack on at work (because I am worried about coworkers saying something). I might exercise tonight after work too... 

11:24AM - grrr...

Weight 142 lbs

why hasn't my weight gone down?

10:51PM - Considering the 2-4-6-8 diet

I made up my own version of the 2-4-6-8 diet with what I will be following for the next few days. I am planning on doing it for 4 days, then see how I feel, and continuing it if able. I also plan on exercising each day--30 minutes to one hour plus toning exercises. 

	Breakfast	Snack	Lunch	Snack	Dinner	TOTAL CAL
200	Multivitamin	1/2 cups snow peas	2 cups bullion soup	1/2 cups snowpeas	1 cup cooked asparagus
	Thin-n-Trim Shake (1/2 scoop)		2 cup lettuce greens		1 cup spinach
	water & ice				1 cup celery
	(50 calories)	(15 calories)	(25 calories)	(15 calories)	(70 cal)	175
400	Multivitamin	1 cup watermelon	2 cups lettuce	1/2 cup watermelon	2 cups snow peas
	Thin-n-Trim Shake (1 scoop)		2 cups spinach		1 cup mixed vegetables
	water & ice		2 lemon wedges
			1 Dannon Light 'n Fit Yogurt
	(100 calories)	(50 calories)	(90 calories)	(25 calories)	(135 calories)	400
600	Multivitamin	Dannon Light 'n Fit	2 lemon wedges	1 cup watermelon	1.25 cup mixed vegetables
	Thin-n-Trim Shake (1 scoop)	Yogurt	2 cups spinach	1/2 small banana	1 cup cooked asparagus
	Skim milk (1 cup)		1 cup snowpeas
	Ice		2 cups lettuce
	(180 calories)	(60 calories)	(90 calories)	(96 calories)	(160 calories)	586
800	Multivitamin	Dannon Light 'n Fit	2 cups bullion soup	2 cups watermelon	2 cup mixed vegetables
	Thin-n-Trim Shake (1 scoop)	Yogurt	4 cups lettuce greens	1 cup snowpeas	1 cup cooked asparagus
	Skim milk (1 cup)	1/2 small banana	1 cup spinach		1/5 pkg. Lite Tofu
	Ice		2 tbsp. Fat free ranch
	(180 calories)	(106 calories)	(102 calories)	(128 calories)	(283 calories)	799

I feel pretty good about the diet and I think that I can follow it.  I didn't write it above, but I will also be drinking coffee, iced (unsweetened) tea, and maybe crystal light (when I make it, I dillute it way down, so I don't count the calories for it). 

I will have to make sure to keep myself occupied though, so that I do not do the mindeless eating thing that I do so often. I know that I will be busy with work the next few days... but being at work can be hard too because so many kids are always eating and I know that my boss and coworkers watch to make sure everyone is eating. My boss thinks that one of the other girls working there has an eating disorder, so she is keeping a close eye on everyone.

4:45PM

I've spent the last hour devouring my piles of old Shape magizines ripping out exercises and thinspiration pictures to put in my food & exercise journal. I haven't worked out yet, but plan to after I finish this entry. Foodwise I've done so so today. I've had a yogurt, vegetarian vegetable soup, and a slice of cheese. I haven't weighed myself in the last few days, but when I last did (on Friday) I was 141 lbs. Hopefully when I weigh myself again I will be less. 

On Saturday, I ended up going most of the day without eating because I was at a TKD tournment, though Saturday night was dinner out at a Chinese restaurant (ate bocolli and rice). Later that night, I indulged in alcohol, which later brought back up my dinner. Sunday was spent throwing up more and taming my stomach with small amounts of rice & tea later on in the day. Considering that I didn't eat much over the weekend, I should have lost weight... 

Tomorrow I am not going to get a chance to exercise at the gym because I start a tutoring job that runs in the evenings. This cuts into the kickboxing class that I had LOVED doing. I'm saddened by this, but in desperate need of money right now. I think I will add in an extra workout on Wednesday to make up for it.

10:38PM

Today I did okay. I ended up running for only 25 minutes, but I walked on a treadmill at an incline for an additional 20 minutes. I also did more toning (mostly ab work though). I ate more than 500 calories--actually ended up eating 1000 calories. I tried to eat lots of vegetables, but my downfall came when I brought rice cakes to snack on while I was at work. I should have taken out only a few of the mini ones, but instead I grabbed the bag and ate about a quarter of the bag. :(

Exciting news for me: I got my ears pierced today!

Tomorrow's goal:
*eat tuna (no more being a vegetarian)
*exercise
*snack on vegetables--NOT rice cakes (try to stay under 700 calories)


I KNOW that I can do Better!

10:52PM

Goals for tomorrow:
Run 30 minutes
keep eating to a minimum (under 500 calories)
everytime that I get hungry, think about my goal and someone who I envy for being so thin